"Can't I just Google it?"

My ENG 120 students have turned in their research prospectuses (or prospecti?), narrowed their topics and are perfecting their thesis statements. Now, all that remains is to write the outlines and the essays. Oh, that's right--and do the research!

While I am no stickler to "books only" research (I would be a hypocrite!), I am very strict about what constitutes an up-to-date, valid academic source. Wikipedia is so far from my students' minds by the time they start their research, I often wonder if I've brainwashed them. WebMD and other "reputable" sites are always a challenge, however.

When it comes to how recently an article was written/published, I tell my students "If you weren't born when it was written, it's too old!" The exceptions here are primary historical sources or sources for subjects that simply don't change.

When it comes to the author of a source, I warn them, "If you can't figure out who wrote it, run away!"

Most importantly (and most terrifying for those of us who have taught today's students and know how lacking they can be in this department--), I tell my students to use their common sense.

To illustrate just why Wikipedia (sorry, boys!) isn't an academic, verifiable, or valid source, we read "The 'Undue Weight' of Truth on Wikipedia", by Professor Timothy Messer-Kruse in The Chronicle. My students were shocked--and we had some great impromptu vocabulary work, too!

To illustrate why the World Wide Web isn't to be blindly trusted, I sicced this little gem on my students: "The Science of Vampires," courtesy of the Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency. Oh? You didn't know FVZA existed? Or that HVV (Human Vampiric Virus) is the cause of Vampirism? Right, because ".org" at the end of a web address does not always (or often, for that matter--most are biased) a valid, useful academic source make !

Amusingly, some of my female students who have been caught up in the throes of Edward and Bella's bliss (and seizure-causing spawning), the slightly more mature True Blood, or any of the other blood-sucking obsessions this generation drools over, actually believed the article--as much as they could, anyhow. One student flat out sighed, looked me in the eye and said, "I want to be a vampire." I maintained my composure...mostly. For the most part, though, my students realized that this article is absurd, albeit entertaining. They acknowledged that it was logically written, but their common sense simply would not allow them to buy into this nonsense about a virus causing vampirism--or the existence of vampirism at all.

Smart kids.

To drive the point home, I introduced my bright little minds to The Flat Earth Society: "The mission of the Flat Earth Society is to promote and initiate discussion of Flat Earth theory as well as archive Flat Earth literature. Our forums act as a venue to encourage free thinking and debate."

I shan't deign to elaborate on that. I will, however, thank Mr. Bill Loughran for corrupting my adolescent mind with the fascinations of Shakespeare, Latin, ancient Greek and Roman history, and ancient Greek, along with thousands of witty barbs for students--all of which I must admit I freely use today--and, the buttercream icing of it all, an introduction to The Flat Earth Society.

And thus concluded my lesson on how not to be an idiot when using the Internet to find sources.